I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
