a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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