I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
