ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
MIDGETS
????
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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