Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
