so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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