Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
