She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i now understand why vodka
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
