My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
