Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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