Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
