At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
