ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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