He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
