i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
