Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
