hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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