Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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