ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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