What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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