I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
