Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She announced her abortion via fbk
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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