i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
