Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
