You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
