she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
