My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
