his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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