I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
