i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
True strength comes from lack of pants
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
