Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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