He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
