we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
