I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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