Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
