someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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