I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
