I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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