No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
