Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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