just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
