So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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