i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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