apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
