I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
