Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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