apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
