i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
