Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
