I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
