I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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