Where is the hickey?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
