i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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