i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
