Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
