I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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