Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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