people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
