Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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