I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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