we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
